A gift or a curse?

Pernah tak rasa tak sedap hati dan tak lama kemudian perkara tidak baik berlaku?
Pernah tak buat prediction and then lambat laun thing that has been predicted comes true?

Well, banyak kali situasi ni berlaku pada saya.
Terutamanya bila apabila situasi itu melibatkan hati dan perasaan.
Benda yang kita nak, jadi termakbul.
Benda yang kita tak nak, beria-ia mengelak, juga termakbul.

Kalau benda baik saya rasa sangat syukur.
Kalau benda yang tak baik, saya rasa rungsing berhari.
Sujud sembahyang tak habis habis mintak petunjuk untuk cari penyelesaian.

Saya punya gerak hati hati yang sangat kuat.
Is this a gift or a curse?

kasih sayang cinta

Satu panggilan telefon telah membuatkan diri ini ingin menulis tentang kasih sayang cinta.

Ada bait lagu yang bermain di kepala bila saya tulis entry ini;

Kasih sayang, terlalu banyak untuk dikenang, yang membuat remaja patah hati...

Seingat saya ini lagu lama. Rentak retro,dinyanyikan gadis berkaca mata besar dan groovy.

Saya wujud kerana kasih sayang cinta yang ada pada dua ibu bapa.Nyawa diberi oleh Yang Esa juga kerana kasih sayang cinta. Saya menjadi manusia kerana kasih sayang cinta daripada keluarga dan masyarakat. Jadi kasih sayang cinta tak boleh dipisahkan daripada jasad dan nyawa.

Kasih sayang cinta mewujudkan pengorbanan.
Kasih sayang cinta menjadikan hidup itu sempurna.
Kasih sayang cinta membuatkan insan itu waras dan gila.
Kasih sayang cinta menyebabkan kejayaan. Dan juga kegagalan.
Kasih sayang cinta melahirkan rasa gembira atau sengsara yang berpanjangan.

Tanya tentang sengsara yang berpanjangan, saya punya cerita benar yang boleh dikongsi.Tapi mungkin lain kali.

Tapi ada satu perkara yang saya sangat curious.
Macam mana equation pembahagian untuk kasih sayang cinta?
Kalau macam ibu bapa. Contoh ada 4 anak. Apa formula pembahagi kasih sayang mereka?
Mungkin jawapan ni saya akan tahu bila saya ada anak sendiri.
Bagaimana dengan cinta?
Ini memang misteri.
Saya jumpa orang yang boleh bahagi cinta mereka dengan ramai orang sekaligus.
Poligami adalah satu situasi.
Balak yang ada ramai awek and vice versa adalah satu lagi situasi.
Dan saya alami sendiri seorang suami pada seorang isteri boleh bagi ruang cinta untuk kekasih gelap dan vice versa.
So macam mana dia punya formula pembahagi untuk cinta dengan situasi tersebut?
Tolong bagitau kalau ada siapa siapa tahu ye!

Things that I could not get rid off..

I do not know about you but I always have items that I will use till death. It is not I am a cheapskate but if I found the items still ok and function well I will utilise them till kaput.There are few items that fall in this 'use till death category'. These are the items:

1. Microsoft's Optical Mouse.
I have bought this mouse in Cardiff's Queen Street Dixon for almost 40 quid in 2004. Kinda expensive when you converted the currency to RM (1 quid = RM7 back then).I bought this mouse to replace my free wireless mouse given by NEC when I bought my first laptop. This mouse outlives my NEC laptop and now working well with my Dell Inspiron.It has been dropped almost million of times and the wire is dodgy looking but somehow the mouse never dissapoint me.

2. Aiwa's 14 inch colour TV
Nowdays when we talk about TV these words are mentioned: HD,flatscreen,LCD,plasma etc. The one I have is a common CRT TV bought in 2002 after getting my first bonus.
First bonus of my working live. The Aiwa serves me well. While I was abroad the TV was adopted by my elder brother, being utilised mostly for playing PS2. Till today the tv still superb. I am not really the TV addict therefore TV with all free channels and can be connected to my DVD player suits me well.

3. All my concert t-shirts
I have paid a lot of quids to attend the concerts and a lot of quids to buy the merchandise.Enough said.

4. Laundry basket
There is one particular Toyogo plastic laundry basket. I bought it in 1999 and now it is still the place where all my baju kotor enroute to washing machine thrown into.
Almost 10 years but still OK.

I have a few more items but it seems that I could not put my thoughts into words.Therefore I end my writing here.

Selamat Tahun Baru

Hari ini sudah bertarikh 03.01.10, namun saya rasa masih tidak terlewat untuk ucapkan selamat tahun baru masihi 2010 buat semua.

Dekad lepas adalah dekad saya menjalani kehidupan sebagai insan yang berumur 20an.
Dekad ini saya sudah 30an dan akan jadi 40an sebelum 2020.
Sungguh cepat masa berlalu. Bila saya belek dan tilik diri, saya simpulkan saya hidup dengan kurang rasa sesal pada apa yang telah berlaku.
Serik mungkin ada tetapi bukan sesal.

Isnin

Today's equation
Monday = Laziness

Sampai ofis lewat atas sebab sebab tertentu.
Mr. Asst tidak dapat datang disebabkan kematian ahli keluarga.
Sekaligus beban kerja bertambah 0.5 jisimnya.
Jawab hampir semua bebelan pelanggan.
Sediakan slide presentation untuk mesyuarat bersama semua Cs dan pengurus lain esok
Hantar slides pada Puan Boss.

Puan Boss buat pengumuman yang badan pengiktiraf Singapura memberikan 3 penemuan major yang boleh beri impak negative pada organisasi bila audit selesai minggu lepas.
Padanlah semua Cs kelat muka dari pagi sampai petang.

Terus pengumuman jadi spekulasi.
Sekaligus menjawab soalan yang bermain di kepala sejak Jumaat bila En.Lamb input pertanyaan di laman sembang muka buku.
Another one bites the dust...

Dapat t shirt jingga larian, diletak atas meja.



Larian daripada 6km jadi 7.4 km. Kaki sakit lagi.Macam mana nak lari?
Dapat kuih cawan sempena tahun baru.Mr. Big Boss bagi ucapan yang tidak memberangsangkan.Angin pasal isu isu penyakit organisasi.

Pukul enam turun ke jabatan kualiti. Cuba korek cerita.
Naik ke meja tengah tutup komputer, Puan Boss call dan cakap slide kena ubah.
Tanpa berlengah terus amik beg dan kunci kereta.
Cabut...

Ponder

I have a deep sorrow buried in a corner of my heart
I want to cry
But somehow tears could not be shed...

New Toy

Pic is googled.

Huahuahua

Pisau Cukur

Saya kena gelar 'poyo'oleh rakan sekerja kerana selalu menonton cerita Melayu.
Masa jadi student di Cardiff dulu memang ulat wayang. Direct debit aje 12 pound sebulan daripada akaun dan boleh tonton wayang sebanyak mana yang boleh.Tidak di sini.12 ringgit pun boleh dapat satu tiket aje. Tak masuk kudap kudapan lagi...best betul masa tu...Balik Malaya lain pulak jadinya. Boleh kira ngan jari pergi tengok wayang. Lepas tu asyik tengok cerita Melayu..macam buang tebiat kawan kawan kata.
Yelah cerita Hollywood boleh dapat RM8 aje kalau lanun punya..tak potong pula tu..kalau tengok di panggung mesti kena carik...jadi tengoklah cerita Melayu.Mesti kurang potong.

Panjangnya intro.

Minggu lepas pergi tengok satu lagi cerita Melayu urban, Pisau Cukur, buah tangan pengarah muda Bernard Chauly. Dia pernah direct Gol & Gincu . Ada Fazura sebagai Intan, 1/2 of the Pisau Cukur dan Maya Karin sebagai Bella, another 1/2 of the Pisau Cukur. Secara keseluruhannya saya boleh simpulkan cerita ni boleh layan lah.Komedi dia komedi urban tapi diselitkan sedikit komedi slapstick yang datang dari Nabil.

Secara amnya begini.
Sesiapa yang suka Fazura, pergilah tengok cerita ni.
Sesiapa yang suka Maya Karin, pergilah tengok cerita ni.
Sesiapa yang suka Aaron Aziz, pergilah tengok cerita ni.
Cerita berkisar di atas kapal, tapi kapal dia CGI.
Ada adegan pil biru. Pil biru tu pil apa? Lu fikirlah sendiri.
Ada lawak budak gigi besi.
Ada lawak guru tarian yang tonggeknya over ( lakonan Elaine Pedley).
Ada ' Oh my Gucci!''Panas!' jadi taglines.
Ada ramai famous faces buat appearance.

Well saya suka cerita ni.Jadi pergilah layan
BTW ada berita yang Yasmin Ahmad's Muallaf will be screened in December.
I am patiently waiting...

P/S: Walaupun saya layan cerita Melayu tetapi dengan bangganya saya declare yang saya tak pernah tgk mahupun suka akan karya En. Latif Mohie apa ntah. dan juga uncle Yusof Haslam. Pasal apa? Aku punya sukalah aku nak suka sapa punya karya...

Anual Dinner 2009

APA YANG SAYA MAHU...




APA YANG SAYA DAPAT...HUHUHUH



*both pics are googled

MORALNYA: JANGAN BERANGAN SEBELUM PERGI DINNER...
P/S: DAPUR KAT RUMAH PUN TAK BERASAP NI SIAP DAPAT BBQ GRILL LAGI. NO 137, HANABISHI BBQ GRILL. BERAPA RINGGIT YE DI PASARAN?

He was here

He was here for 2 days but I only managed to really talk with him for 1/2 hour.
He is still the same. Stoic Deustch man. Monotonous conversation. Dry humour.Same yet different.
I am going to smile for weeks...

Ponder

Bercinta + bertunang + nikah + kahwin + berkeluarga = bahagia?
Bercinta + bertunang + putus tunang + bersendiri = bahagia?

Tepuk dada tanya selera...

Dia akan datang...

:)

Gamelan

* Pic is googled, the guy is playing gambang

Lepak atas katil,tonton idiot box yang menayangkan promo tentang 1 Malaysia yang ada alunan Gamelan.

Teringat yang saya dahulu pernah pandai bermain peralatan Gamelan semasa di sekolah. Gamelan terdiri daripada gong, gendang,kenong,sarun,gambang dan bonang.
Semua orang tahu bentuk gong dan gendang.Gambang adalah seperti xylaphone, bilah dibuat dengan buluh dan pengetuknya ada 2. Sarun juga seperti xylaphone tapi bilah dibuat daripada keping logam dan pengetuknya seperti tukul. Kenong dan Bonang berbentuk seperti chaklempong. Kenong ada 3 chaklempong besar. Berfungsi seperti backup gong. Bonang bentuknya sama seperti chaklempong, ada 10, dan diketuk dengan 2 pengetuk secara bersilang.

Mula mula belajar bermain Gamelan semasa tingkatan 1.Saya main peralatan sarun. Berlatih hampir 3 bulan di rumah HEM yang kosong,yang kononnya berhantu,dengan peralatan Gamelan yang sudah beratus tahun.Bermain Gamelan untuk persembahan tarian Gamelan untuk lawatan Baginda Sultan Pahang ke sekolah. Lagu pertama yang dipelajari adalah Timang Burung. 1,2,3,5,3,6,5...itulah note lagu yang kena diingat...Lagu Timang Burung ni ada liriknya. Dan liriknya hanya diketahui bila saya berlatih di Muzium Sultan Abu Bakar ketika tingkatan 5 bersama jurulatih kami Pak Ungku,tak silap saya namanya.

Berlatih di muzium beri pengalaman berbeza. Latihan lebih teratur dan seperti biasa kami menggunakan peralatan yang sudah beratus tahun. Saya sudah graduate main sarun dan tukar peralatan. Saya main gambang yang lebih sukar. Rasa cam best aje.

Latihan mulanya di auditorium muzium tetapi kemudian di alih di bilik pameran yang menempatkan barang barang tinggalan the Late Sultan Abu Bakar. Berlatih hingga lewat petang dan kadang kadang ada spooky entertainment daripada staff muzium yang bekerja di bilik pameran tersebut.Bercerita kisah apa yang berlaku lepas muzium ditutup bila malam hari. Ada masa ketika berlatih ada muzium visitor yang lalu lalang. Tak pasal jadi performer free.Kali ini persembahan untuk Sultan Pahang untuk upacara perasmian Pesta Piala Perdana Menteri Kebangsaan di sekolah. Tiada tarian. Hanya kami, Gamelan troop.Dan juga dapat bermain pada malam Kecermelangan SBP yang mana Datuk Sri Najib Tun Razak menjadi jemputan khasnya.

Tahun itu juga Gamelan troop kami dapat membuat persembahan di Legend Hotel KL buat beberapa hari bagi pihak muzium negeri sempena promosi Makanan Pahang di sana. Hanya junior junior saya yang dapat pergi. Saya terpaksa pergi ke Mentakab untuk Kem Bina Negara bagi batch form 5 kami yang nakal tahun itu. Gamelan troop saya dapat ke KL , dibayar buat persembahan dan saya sangkut di pusat latihan Felda Mentakab, dengan bau busuk kilang getah, tiada air bila mahu mandi dan di brainwash agar kami dapat keputusan cemerlang untuk SPM...

Masih teringat perasan excited sebelum memulakan persembahan. Kami akan berpakai seragam kebaya pahang kain tenun berwarna ungu...Pengalaman yang sangat berharga...

Selimut Hati

Saya rasa saya selimut hati saya.
Itu perkara yang paling selamat buat saya pada masa ini.

Friday, 30 Oct 2009

1ea Vitagen Grape
1/2 Mee Goreng + 1/2 Kuew Tiau + Telur Goreng + Ayam Goreng Drumstick
Milo O + Air masak 1 liter
1ea CF34 stage 9 rejected at Intermediate due to thickness missing
1ea Triple Decker Tuna Sandwich with vege
RM1300 Rent+ Car Loan + ...
4 Banks
1ea Roofing Parking Enterance Card missing = RM50 again
Milo O
1 P&W Columbus Warranty Claim meeting on Monday CW45
Kota Damansara to Subang = 5km= 45 minutes = RM1.20 deducted from Touch & Go
1ea Red Braun Buffel wallet located in cubicle's drawer number 2
Subang Parade Parking 10 minute = RM2.75 deducted from Touch & Go
Misrouted to Shah Alam, Batu Tiga Tol = RM1.20
Kota Damansara via Glenmarie, Ara Damansara, Kelana Jaya, Tropicana = 1 hour
Retrieving Red Braun Buffel wallet = 2 minute
Phone call to Saridah to explain oneself costly forgetfulness = 10 minute
Phone call to Cuin to explain oneself costly forgetfulness & catching up = 20 minute
Kota Damansara to Subang = 5km = 30 minute = RM1.20 deducted from Touch & Go
1ea recent Hot Magazine and Maxis Top Up = RM36.90
3ea black students searching for Playboy in MPH inventory search system
1ea Stieg Larson's Girl with the Dragon Tattoo = RM33.50
Roasted Chicken Rice + Steamed Pak Choy with Oyster Sauce + Teh Tarik + Mineral Water = RM21.60 from Chicken Rice Shop
Pita bread + Sausage + Green Vege = RM15.85 at Cold Storage
Subang Parade Parking 1 1/2 hours = RM2.75 deducted from Touch & Go
3 bills
1ea hungry cat eats 3ea steamed fish
Channel 707 with the sexy Nigella
12.36 am, 31 Oct, oneself still awake, 1ea cat sleeping beside....

...

I think I rather eat alone, sleep alone, shop alone, do everything alone than being together with a person but keep on having many insecurities looming inside my heart and my head.

Loneliness can be painful...but at least I am happy...not content...but happy...

Saturday CW41 2009 - Wedding

Sleep at 4.30am and to wake up at 8.00am.

Have to attend a Christian Wedding Ceremony at Banker's Club, Amoda Building Bukit Bintang with Ida. It is the wedding of Adrian and Jay.

I am wearing white top, smart black pants ( a jeans actually), small white clutch, mauve choc heels ( want to wear white shoes but thinking it will be too white) and pearls. Yeah, pearls.
It is white wedding my friend, so I have to flaunt my 'rarely appeared' pearls.

Have to rush since Ida will be in my place by 8.45am. Shower, make up & hair. Ida arrives at 9.02am while I'm still blowing my hair ( which end up as a pile of mess later) and drive like mad lady over NPE and Sg. Besi Smart Tunnel since we have to be at Banker's Club, sharp 9.45am.

We arrive around 9.35am, cursing (again) like mad lady while looking for basement parking.
I can conclude that all buildings in BB have a bad basement parking, most of the parking has a very narrow entrance & exit, badly lit and overprice. This time, Cik kelish has to be in 'tilted' parking. Coffee is a saviour, preventing me from being one cranky lady.The wedding organiser has been very thoughtful of serving coffee and tea, together with a selection of biscuits and nice fluffy cream puffs.

The groom welcomes us with a big smile, big nervous smile I think.He manages to impress us with this lavish wedding, set up high in the penthouse of Amoda Building, in a prestigious Banker's Club, with a view overlooking misty Cheras and Berjaya Times Square,
with the interior decorated with portraits of handsome horses ( what is the relation between the bankers and the horses?) showing that 'I am the Man'. I am fine with all these, as long as the waiter serves me free coffee.

The wedding is intimate and small. Family,close friends and business associates. There are prayers,blessings and sermons by the priestess. The bride looks beautiful in long white dress, short veil and light purple roses bouquet. The most beautiful moment is when both bride and groom saying their vows. My stoic heart is touched to the core since it is so romantic. I am a sucker for wedding vows. There is even tears in the bride and the groom eyes since the vows and the wedding rings are symbol of a lifetime commitment to love each other for better or worse. The commitment is then sealed with a kiss and a cheer and confetti popping by the guest.

Before we are ushered to lunch, there is a 'throwing of a bouquet' event. I call it an event since it is being announced especially for the single ladies ( oh ooooooooo oh - ala Beyonce) that are there. Well, since I do not want to be next, I do not even bother.

Lunch is interesting. It is 5 course meals with free flow of wine and cordial. Cordial for me.
It is not a typical Chinese wedding lunch since there is no attendance of their fave liquor - XO. There is a popping of champagne by the groom and toast is being offered by the VIP, might probably the benefactor. Three Yam Seng's to the bride and groom. Gorgeous wedding cake, more foods, tipsy groom, bridesmaid speech and other typical wedding do and more coffee for me.

Everything ends around 1pm. Before we leave we congratulate the bride and groom, wish them well, wish them luck. The surreal feeling leaves my body once I am behind the car steering,entering the traffic of Bukit Bintang with curses being mouthed. Back to reality.

Adrian and Jay, it is magical. Thank you for sharing the moment. I hope mine will be like that too...soon...

I miss Autumn..

I was introduced to Autumn when I stepped onto Queen's soils for the first time.
In London, the weather was still warm , late summer was still in the air. Well, I was in a metropolitan, with all the pollutions the presence of Autumn was barely recognised.

Her existence was clearly indicated when I traveled inland to the city that was my home for the next 2 years.

Green leaves, turned to golden hue, lingered for a few weeks than fell to the ground. Slowly the tree changed from green to gold than stark naked, not one leaf lingered. Thus signed the beginning of the cold,grey winter.

The changes were slow yet obvious. Warm weather turned chilly then cold. Rain and wind made it colder. The shower was not as wet as in tropic but surely bit the feet if I was silly enough to wear flip flops , with a thought that it was still summer...

It was time when the new uni year started, whether you were a junior, 2nd years or in finals.

It was the season where my student life started and ended two years later...

How I miss Autumn... miss Autumn badly

What if...

Have you ever had a thought, that some things in your life, you wish you can change what had happaned?

Saturday CW40 2009 - Liberation

Waking up in my own bed.

Sleeping again in my own bed.

Seeing Thunderbirds flying in a formation up in the sky.

Lazying around without worrying about piling laundry, messy room, unwash glasses, dusty floor,unpack bags and unsent resumes.

Calling mak, saying hi, asking how is life and how is abah.

Having breakfast menu during lunch and taking times reading the Star pages by pages while listening to No Doubt's Monday Morning repetitively.

Grieving and praying silently for quake victims.

Driving car that badly need a wash and vac while singing out loud to Adibah Noor's Ikan di laut , Asam di darat.

Searching for The Script's Breakeven lyric, suddenly remembered that it is linked to my previous relationship.

Gardening, harvesting and farming in FB.

Shopping for a new handbag, new pair of shoe, bangles.

Spending money that i don't have.

Walking into shopping mall with the dirtiest jeans, no make up, old t-shirt and red flip flop with glasses, a tight and messy ponytails.

Studying and looking into people while wondering what are things on their minds.

Watching small children and babies and asking myself when I am going to have one.

Sending smses to remind everybody of Azivik Birthday Bash in Pavilion.

Shower, doing hair and putting makeup for the dinner.